Author

James Gholston

James Gholston has 10 articles published.

Is Wakefulness Good for You?

in Columns/Handguns for Health
A different can of Jolt
Photo: Liftarn (public domain)

As I slowed down to 150 MPH on my way back home from the ammo market, I saw a billboard declaring that all men must get woke.

This initially puzzled me until I realized it was a political statement.

Just as the sound of a Glock G29 can help rejuvenate the mind in the morning after a restless night, perhaps a change of perspective can reinvigorate.

I called up my friend, Joanz, who was busy chugging shots of white lightning after her full-auto workout routine with her trusty Strojnica ERO, and she said something pretty incoherent but it sort of sounded like she was saying something about zombie-minded authoritarians.

I slammed on the brakes as I was about to miss my turnoff to get onto the next road, which requires a toll if you’re not part of the association. I need to join that some time. Fumbling through my pile of glass pipes and rolled-up joints I finally found my payment chit and waved it in front of the couple inside the booth. I wasn’t sure how much attention they were paying to me, so I drove on.

Then it hit me: These so-called woke people really believe that they’re always absolutely right about everything.

Y’Know, this might be curable by a nice long session of firing a Desert Eagle at some Roosevelt dimes with your off hand.

Presidential Candidate Does Nothing in North Texas

in News
Clearly, everyone here already knows all there is to know about this guy
Photo: Carol Highsmith (Public Domain)

Or anywhere in Texas. …Or Louisiana, Oklahoma, New Mexico, California, Florida, or New York. …Or anywhere else. An online presence is also something that he explains is unnecessary.

Canson Wiggins fully expects to win the Libertarian Party nomination, because he’s just that good, and it’s not like the party has anyone better who’s running. Certainly not any experienced officeholders, or bestselling authors, or entrepreneurs, or constitutional experts, or distinguished doctorates, or long term party activists who would be interested in our presidential nomination. A shoo-in, really.

He also doesn’t expect to need to work any harder than this to rack up 270 electoral votes, which is another reason he believes he deserves the nomination.

Who Wanted This Debate?

in Opinion
Photo: Gage Skidmore, Peoria AZ (Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic

Karl Harkonnen pounds on his desk as he tells Bennett O’Reilly that the proletariat won’t stand for thieves who claim that they built their companies, worked hard, or deserve the fruits of their labor. Only the state can ensure the equal outcomes that a just society demands.

O’Reilly is adamant that the primary focus of the state should be to enforce morality and spread our culture throughout the world. This means strict control of drugs, religious views, and sexual practices.

They both were in firm agreement, however, about a strong and active military that’s not afraid of breaking some innocent heads, a clampdown on entertainment and the Internet, and a moratorium on unnecessary expenses such as space development — whether publicly or privately funded.

Seriously, the Libertarian Party has better candidates for national chair than this.

Choose which Blockchain Firearm for Shooting Meth Projectiles without a Licence

in Books
UBCCMF 2019

UNLICENCED BLOCKCHAIN CRYSTAL METH FIREARMS 2019
Anita Autry & Wyatt Hickock
Shovelware Media Group
1536 pages

In the fast-evolving market for blockchain firearms it can be a challenge to keep up, and there’s no doubt this guide was thorough and current when it was sent off for final copyediting.

Which blockchain implementation is the best match for your requirements? What grade of methamphetamines are you wanting to fire? What or who do you expect to be shooting? What licencing requirements are you needing to evade? This book provides a deeply knowledgeable and comprehensive framework for determining what questions are most important and what the answers might be for your situation given the state of the market as it was written.

While this book will serve as a priceless source for the historical state of the market in mid-to-late 2018, it’s already falling behind. If you still want to use it to make a buying decision, hurry before it’s completely obsolete.

★★⅐

You Have to Like UltraFemme Makes the City get Woke

in Entertainment
Don't you dare call her a man
Photo: Jebulon (Creative Commons Zero 1.0/Public Domain)

ULTRAFEMME MAKES THE CITY GET WOKE
Directed by Nancy P Clear
TriMount Studios 2019

UltraFemme is invulnerable, flies, sees everything, can wield any weapon, speaks all languages, is absolutely without flaws, and is totally woke.

She flies around Megatropolic City, telling men they suck, and that there’s nothing they can do to improve, so obviously they must shape up. She also holds that no Caucasian of European descent is any good, except herself. No one, whether it’s gamers, anyone with a handgun for home defense, anyone with an establishment-unfriendly opinion, people who dislike social justice themed entertainment, anyone who doesn’t remember and use the most recent new gender specialized pronouns du jour, anyone who makes fun of social justice warriors, anyone who has concerns about the Green New Deal, anyone who doesn’t send their children to public schools, anyone who doesn’t vote Democrat or Green or Socialist or Communist, people who don’t equate wanting a free market with being a Nazi, people who don’t equate believing they’ve earned the fruits of their efforts with being a Nazi, people who don’t equate their use of cognitive privilege with being a Nazi, people who don’t equate masculinity with abuse of privilege and being a Nazi, people who don’t equate disagreement with her with being a Nazi, people who don’t equate non-disability with being a Nazi, people who don’t equate Israeli citizenship with being a Nazi, and a long list of others will escape her righteous wrath.

She’s everything every mainstream 21st Century reviewer wants to see in a superhero movie. Go and watch it immediately. Anyone who dislikes it is obviously a sexist white supremacist.

In other words, it’s so monumentally bad it’s a nonstop laugh riot. Be careful to not choke on your popcorn. ★★★★

County Party Holds Empty House Night

in Activism
Maybe if she'd picked better munchies for the snack table?
Photo: amanderson2  (Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic)

The chair, treasurer, secretary, and vice chair of an area county party were all completely confident that the others were working on publicity for the event, which was completely successful in the way it did not take time away from other commitments.

…Except for the person who was holding the event, to whom we’re not going to give any credit.

Event at Baker Hotel

in Activism
Photo: Dexter Press

Efforts by an area PAC to find the landmark Baker Hotel in Dallas were unsuccessful, forcing a scrub of their Libertarian Party table at the planned event.

They had buttons, brochures, multiple official and caucus platforms, whitepapers with drafts of proposed legislation, dashboard signs, candidate signs, flyers, a couple of small displays to present videos, and a couple of party officials to shake people’s hands.

They did find the AT&T headquarters; does that count?

LP Tote Bags Not Approved for Interstate Gasoline Transport

in Information
A better choice for flammable liquids than LSP'2s tote bags
Photo: Voja1978 (Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported)

In a recent press release, Libertarian Statue Press disclosed that some shipping companies have been using their 9.44 oz/yd spun polyester Classical Statue Logo tote bags for purposes they didn’t have in mind when selecting what to offer from their online store.

They request that if people who work for the federal government disapprove of some of these applications, please mention that you didn’t get the idea from them.

FEC Frowns on Appropriate Notice Language

in Politics
A bunch of signs for regulators to be unhappy about
Photo: Infrogmation of New Orleans (Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Generic)

At the bottom of every Sam A Rothbard for US Congress sign the notice clearly reads: Paid for by None of the Government’s Damn Business.

Sam Rothbard stands behind this notice about who paid for his campaign signs, and we couldn’t agree more. Unfortunately, the FEC has a different opinion, and isn’t too happy with with the sign vendor either right now.

Hello Kitty Rack Card As Popular As Expected

in Business
Let's give this display an aftertaste.
Photo: undisclosed product manufacture

It was the perfect piece of marketing James said. Everyone else just facepalmed, and they ended up making the licencing deal and ordering 50,000 of them anyway.

One year later guess how many were sold to Libertarian Party activists. Just guess. Yeah. That’s how many you bought, and everyone else bought just as many. They haven’t decided if they’re going to try dumping them all on EBay or just into the nearest recycling bin.

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